Ok, so I don't have to go into the detail of how my home life has been lately, cuz if you are reading this, you most likely know already. There was a big blow up in the house last Friday night, and it was not pretty. After about 2 months of keeping my mouth shut, and 5 minutes of him yelling at me, I finally let it out. I didn't say anything I shouldn't have said, I only said what I needed to. Part of which was saying directly to Jason (Mom's b/f), that they were habitually, and diliberately living in sin. The discussion went on for quite a long time, and it ended with him telling me whatever, so I went to my room for the night, just crying out to God, and finally crying myself to sleep. The next morning I wake up to hear from my Mom that when her and Jason get into the room, he admits I am right. I of course never hear this from him, nor do I get an apology. So he goes on to treat me terrible, and only nice when it is convenient for him. And then Mom is completely rude to me, and starts bashing the things I'm doing for God. I know I want to work things out here at home, but I know I have to leave...

Today I am sitting on the couch and my sister asks me, "So are you gonna go to the reception?" "What reception?" "Mom and Jasons?" It hits me, they're getting married. So I go through the day with out saying a thing to my mom about it, and tonight I ask her, "So when were you gonna tell me?" "I was trying to find the right time." "Well you found the right time for the girls." So after talking for a bit I ask, "When?" "Tomorrow." TOMORROW!! When me and my sisters go to AstroWorld to ride rollercoasters and watch concerts, which has been planned for a VERY long time. If I would not have asked I would have not known 'til after they did it!! They haven't told any family or friends, either. This is NOT what God has for my Mom, and I know it. God has so much more for her. I am so heartbroken by it. I'm sitting here crying out to God, "No NO!" I hate that when I come home tomorrow night that they're going to be Married! That's it, done! I wonder what my Dad is thinking while he's sitting up there in Heaven... Is he as heartbroken as I am about this... knowing that the woman he loved, and asked to re-marry when he was gone is about to make a HUGE mistake?!? Why can't he come down and say, "Trudy, don't do this. I know I told you to re-marry, but come on! This guy? God has SO much more for you!"

If you guys only knew... I wish she would just live right, have her eyes open... this just isn't right. So tomorrow they go to the JP, and it's done. They're supposedly gonna have a lil reception sometime in the near future. I don't know if I'll go, I think I'll just cry the whole time. I hate I can't stop this. It's out of my control... I can't do a darn thing... I'm wanting to run into the kitchen and just grab all the alcohol I can get my hands on... I need a ciggarette... But then I wake up, and realize how stupid and pathetic that is... I think I'll just cry in the arms of my Heavenly Father for awhile... there isn't anything like that. He's got me...

"When I close my eyes I know to whom I belong, who makes me strong." - Cindy Morgan "I Will Be Free"

I feel like walking to Savannah barefoot. :)

Hello everyone! I guess it has been quite a LONG time since I have blogged, so an update is in order. I graduated back in May from the 1st year program, on the Deans List, and was invited back to the "invitation only" 2nd year program called LTC (Leadership Training Course). I am very excited about it. While I am there I will be in the "School of Ministry", which are classes in which you learn all the things you need to know to be an ordained minister. Then after you go into full time ministry, you come back to the annual Summit conference and get ordained. I will be leading the first year students and will be a careleader to 6 girls, while I live in a room with them. I am very excited and am preparing myself now. Next year will be about really using our leadership skills (which I am gaining more of by reading a lot of John C. Maxwell), and feeding ourselves, so we can take care of our girls. We have had a bunch of people drop out so far, but that just encourages me, cuz this means that this will be an even more unified, unique, and stronger LTC class than ever before.

I have grown so close to God since TBI. I am so happy, and so in love with Jesus. Is 54:5 - "For your Maker is your husband.." He is the Lover of my soul. I have realized who I am in Christ, and that I am the head and not the tail, above only and not beneath (Deut. 28). I am done trying to find the mate God has for me cuz guess what? He that finds a Wife, finds a good thing - Prov.18:22. And I'm not that good thing yet and HE has to find me. I have a long way to go, and I'm happy with Jesus. I have too many things to do, than to worry about a guy who still hasn't gotten himself together. Afterall, God gave Adam a job before he gave him a mate. I am a strong, beautiful woman of God, and I not only live for Him, but with Him. "A mans heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps." - Prov. 16:9

Im having a pretty tough time being at home. I long for school so bad sometimes. I was, and still am so excited about being home cuz of all the things God has planned for me this summer, but it can be hard (but what isnt?) to keep my attitude completely positive when you're being verbally and emotionally bashed by your Mom and her b/f who is now living here. I have been looking for a job like crazy, but nothing yet, and my mom really gripes at me about it. I have done EVERYTHING she's asked me to since I've been home, and I do extra to make her happy. Then I want to go to the different ministries I am involved with, and she acts like its a chore, and has even said I should be getting paid!! Or about once a week I wanna go do something with a friend, she finds ANYTHING else for me to do. But this is all coming to an end. I will be moving out very soon, my "Dad" (youth pastor) is having me stay with him, and his family, who are all like my family anyway. I'm staying in Landens (lil brother) room, untill they get the wall built up in the front room for me. I will be coming back there on vacations, and when school lets out. Im not exactly sure what day I'll be moving in, but sometime in the next week or 2.

I have an interview at a country club Tuesday, and they want to hire me! Im very excited! Since I havent had a job, I've been doing a lot of ministry stuff... helping teach Drama classes, youth leader, and just a lot of volunteer work, also being able to hang out and minister to friends. A lot of Cinderella work though at the house... Jessica this and Jessica that, but to keep "peace" in the house I'll do it. Anywayz, just waiting for Gods timing now, and just completely trusting Him. So that's the big update... I'll try to keep up with this a whole lot better since I'm home now. May the Grace and Mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirits.