Tomorrow after I get off of work I am heading over to my Mom's side of town. Im meeting up with Leigh to write some music together. So that'll be kewl. :)
I am having to kill myself daily, hourly, minutely sometimes. I have been really working on how much I talk, make my opinion known, judge others who aren't doing things exactly how I think they should, and overall on the pride that I've allowed myself to walk in for too long. It's been quite a chore. Tonight Sweet was gonna go out w/ some people she knew to a movie and the guy who asked her has flirted with her and what not before, and me being so overprotective of her, I cringed on the inside, but I said ok, kewl. Well, she knew I didnt approve somehow. And she was begging me to give my opinion and I told her no, but she got it out of me. There's nothing wrong that I know of with these people, cuz I don't know them. But as soon as I here some random guy is making a pass at her, I'm automatically thinking SCUM! I told her go, have a good time, Im just being paranoid, but she ended up not going anyway, which made me feel horrible, and also caused me to realize I'm still not there. I've got a lot more dying to do. A LOT. Lord, help me become more like you. Let me see the good in people, instead of believing everyone just sux. Please continue to kill me, and then heal me.

Wow... no nominations for Farenhiet 9/11 or The Passion of The Christ at the Academies this year... oh wait excuse me. Passion got a nod in makeup and original score... nothing though really about the content or acting ability in the film. LOL
In my years in drama, theatre and other acting pursuits I have found that Jesus is the hardest role to play (I had to play it twice (a beard is not fun to wear)). You have to show compassion and love, at the same time holding a strong, powerful role. You either can come off looking like an angry troublemaker or a pansy. It's tough. I thought Jim Caviezel did an excellent job portraying both sides of Jesus. I think it a great shame to pass up nominating him as well as nominating the movie itself. Besides the fact that I do believe whole heartedly in the basis of the movie, I believe great film achievement was made in the release of the movie. Tis a shame. I still think you rawk Mel.
In other news U2 announced their tour and sadly they are not coming anywhere near me, so I guess I will not be attending this tour. Stinks.

You ever notice how there are so many books out that are Christian and have nothing to do with Jesus? Ok, I know what you're thinking... I'm about to talk about how something is defined as Christian when the words Jesus, God, Bible, a scripture or some other form of Christianese is in it... absolutely not. In fact I hate that thinking. It's ridiculous. I believe the Lord looks at the heart. Something I've noticed though is that so many things are being associated with a purpose, a creed, a calling. A few months ago I realized I was getting so caught up in a calling I was forgetting the one who had called me. Everything had become associated to what God had made me for, not for God himself. So that my life would go smooth, not so that I could please my Father with my life.
I don't want to do what God has called me to do because it's the right thing to do, because I want to look good to others around me, because I'm afraid of the outcome if I don't, or any other lame excuse. I want to do what God has called me to do simply because Jesus called and I will obey. Simply because I love Him.

How come the Praise and Worship Station on my Launchcast player is not understanding to NEVER PLAY THE MARANATHA SINGERS AGAIN!?!?

Jen, imitation is the greatest form of flattery... so, basically, I'm about to copy you. :)

Likes:
Comfy sweat pants
Alone time with Jesus
My best friend
Macaroni and Cheese from Luby's
The first day of class
Flopping on the couch after a night at work
Conan O'Brien's funny faces

Dislikes:
The defensive driving video I'm watching
Having to stay up late because I have so much to do
The Maranatha Singers
That one dirty dish you find after you've cleaned everything
When I'm not trusting God

It's my first day at school for the spring semester and I just finished my english class and go to algebra in a minute. I am looking through some online tools for my english class and while doing so I'm listening to Praise and Worship music on Launch. I've heard some good songs that I love and one in particular was just "My Glorious" by Passion. I love the Delirious version the best, but the way Passion does it is good too. So I'm listening to it and I'm about to cry. Not a sad cry but a grateful cry. I have been moved to tears a lot more lately when it comes to Jesus. I mean The crucifixion has always choked me up since I was a kid, but lately it's been like, what is this liquid running out of my eye? I think this is God softening my heart and maybe breaking down a lot of the barriers I've put up, and the pride that has been infecting my heart. I'm just so grateful to know that He is in control, He is seeing everything, and that He's just good.

The last 2 weeks I have been doing a lot of praying, a lot of self-examination, a lot of laying things down. I've been so unsatisfied with my life, annoyed with circumstances around me, cynical about everyone and everything, and allowing myself to slip and become slack in many areas of my life. My walk with God hasn't necessarily been bad or anything at all, but it was at a place where the level of excellence was ridiculous. I'd been moping about how I wish I was studying the Word like I used to, I wish I was talking better, I wish my outward expression was showing my inner change.
Well I'm fed up with the wishing. I've made an executive decision, that's it. All this wishing is over. I've decided to make it happen. I'm not gonna be some mediocre, mopey, stupid, hem-haw Christian. The Word of God says I am more than a overcomer, that I can do all things through Christ, that He has given me everything I need in regards to life and Godliness... and on and on. So if this is what God says about me, then I'm gonna live it out. I won't be wavered by my circumstances, I won't be swayed by my emotions, I'm gonna do what God has called me to do and be who God has called me to be.
I went to Lakewood Church this morning and it was exactly what I needed. It was great to just feed at the table. I had been trying so hard to get involved with ministry and serve, cuz I have a hard time not doing anything and just being a seat warmer at church. Well, God had said He wanted me to take a break and just feed. So that's what I'm doing. Of course I'm itching already and started thinking about ways I could get involved, but I'm gonna be obedient and just feed. He knows what I need to do better than I do. And I know right now I need to be listening more about His direction, and purpose for my life. I just know I wanna hear "Well done."

So I ended up not going out with PJ and Emily afterall. She got called into work at the last minute so we had to cancel... I was just annoyed that I no longer had plans for the night! So I stayed at my moms and watched some Alias episodes from season 1, and then Eric came over at about midnight, so me, Eric, and my sisters Tay and Heather went downtown to Katz's and ate some gooood food. I didn't get to sleep til like 4:30, and had to wake up the next morning to take Heather to get a shot for school. That was a long day.
Some issues came up with my church... not what I need right now. I don't want to get into a lot of what happened, but I feel that I and some others have been led on and it's just a real messed up situation. However, I have decided not to decide anything. I'm gonna pray about somethings, but I am not leaving at the moment, if I do. I don't want to leave another church because of some bad stuff goin on. I don't need the baggage. I told God the other night, "I am ok with you. I am not mad at you, I love you, and I know that all this junk is not you. However, it's your kids I've got a problem with. I don't like your church very much right now. I mean I know you love them just as much as you love me, but I gotta think that you like me more." :) I'm not gonna get offended or make anyone else take on an offense because of my feelings or actions. I'm gonna stay at peace as much as I can.

I am at my Mom's house tonight with her and my sisters. We've had a good time tonight laughing and goofing off and stuff. We just finished watching a movie called Hanging Up that stars Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton, and Lisa Kudrow. It never got great reviews or stayed in the theatre long, but my sisters and I love it. We watch it and laugh at all of the little quirks the sisters have and how they relate to each other. It's just one of those family things that only yall understand. Good times...
Tomorrow night I go out to eat with my ex, and still friend, PJ and his new fiance Emily. A little weird, yes. I've kinda had second thoughts about going the last few days. I think about everything logically and how I think people should do things and if the reality doesn't measure up, I doubt it. There are some things I just don't understand about the deal (age, finances, education, a plan?), but I've had to come to the conclusion that it's not for me to understand. PJ has asked me to meet her, he's happy, they're happy, the parents are not objecting, and he's my friend. Friend. I love PJ more than a lot of people; truly love him dearly. I have a handful of friends who I have connected with through the years and no matter what they needed, if it was 5 years from now and I haven't talked to them, they could let me know and I would jump at the chance to just help. PJ is one of those people. I need to stop thinking of him as an ex that is also my friend, but think of him as my friend. I really am happy if he's happy, can't wait to meet this girl, and am excited about watching things unfold to a lifetime of bliss. I pray the Lord blesses them and guides them... Tomorrow night I go out to eat with my friend PJ, and his new fiance Emily.

Tonight, Alias began it's 4th season and began it with quite a bang! I loved it. I spent the day with my best friend, Sweet, watching old seasons and catching her up on what's going on (quite a task) because she was interested in the show. She's into J.J. Abrams' other show Lost. I watched some tonight and bits and peices other times and I just can't seem to get past that there might be a "monster" or "robot" on the deserted island... sorry.
I downloaded the program Hello by Picasa for hosting pictures and have recieved NO help from their website for the problem I'm having with it. I keep getting a blank page when I go to send a picture to bloggerbot that says "a hello embedded error has occured". If you have any idea how to fix this, PLEASE let me know. Or if you know of a better way to go for picture hosting, give me a holla.
What do you think of the new template? I figured I needed something new... I don't know that I like the way the side bar is set up, but I'm just afraid I'll try to switch it around and just screw it up. Anywayz, it's better than having a halfway missing title, which I'm thinking about changing too.

So today I continued to fight of sickness and I'm glad to say I have almost won the battle. I could taste today so that was good. :) I have been thinking about what the next 5 months of my life are gonna be like and I have come up with the phrase unprecedented business. Full time job and full time school. I know I am so blessed to have both. I thank God for it. The only thing I am having a hard time with is not being able to be more involved with my church. I have always been administrating, assisting, heading up, running, preparing, doing something with the church and it has been hard not being able to do that with school and work. It makes me not wanna even go to church because I hate being a seat warmer. I'm gonna continue to go on Sunday mornings to maintain relationship with the people there I know and that way when there comes a time I am able to get into ministry I can jump right in. It's a difficult thing I have to deal with, but I'm doing what I have to do and what I know I'm supposed to do.
As it says over to your left I have been listening to U2's new album a lot lately (thank you to my sis Heather for the great Christmas gift). Some are not as thrilled with it as they have been with U2's other projects. However, I find that I like how it's not so, "Look at us; we're U2 and we're gonna just hammer you into the ground with our awesomeness." It's a lot more personal, intimate, and meaningful to me. I really like it. K-stoo from the swimteam saw it as "no earth shattering record breaking history making pop project... more personal and not meant to impress." I know I like it.

Ok so one of my New Years Resolutions is to blog more. So here I am. It was a great year! A lot of blessings! Kinda a quick run down...

January- Finished my job at the fireworks stand, opened my first bank account, and became a real grown up. LOL My best friend Christian came down from Oregon and we went to Summit together. Awesome times. Oh and I got my first cell phone!
February- Gave the truck back to my Mom, and got my own car paid for by ME! Went to find a job and got one at a clothing store in the mall where I started in March.
March- Started my job. Started REALLY praying about finding another church after having nagging thoughts for about 3 months. Saw Kenny Chesney and John Mayer in concert at the Rodeo.
April- Saw Tim McGraw w/ my sister after my girl Celeste bought me tickets to go. I also saw Waterdeep and had the best weekend with a bunch of great friends. Me and Leigh decided to start a band together again.
May- Turned 21, and left my church to attend a different one. My Dad and Shannon go there.
June- Worked, worked and worked some more.
July- Still working, went and saw Maroon5 and John Mayer- AWESOME concert.
August- Got ready to start college. Nerve-wracking, but exciting. Band had our first gig. That was kewl.
September- Started school, got more hours at work... this was a blurry month.
October- More hours at work, school was stressin me out, had a gig at my church's youth group that went awesome, and saw an ex b/f. He wanted to get back together (AGAIN!), but my common sense over ruled my heart and emotions and told him no.
November- MORE hours at work, more school work. Thanksgiving was awesome.
December- Finished my first semester, worked a lot. Christmas ruled, New Years rawked, and now here I am.

As I said blogging more is my New years resolutions. I wanna be able to look back years from now and see how I've grown, how god has moved, and of course, the nostalgia is hard to resist! :)