Here's something I posted on the SwimTeam yesterday afternoon. I really think even though I was encouraging others, I was speaking to myself, because it was about a couple of hours later when I needed it:

Yeah when I listen to it, I often hear myself singing it. "He's been promising me something more than pain..." That part always get's me, because so many times we are like "where's the promise, where's the promise? YOU said it would happen." But many times the reason why the promise hasn't come to pass is because we haven't done our part. Hannah had a promise from God that she would bare a child, and before she had become pregnant, she thanked God, but she didn't stop there with her faith. She added her works. It says that she went in to Elkanah, and he knew her. She had to make it happen. Even though she had done that many times and she had never seen a different result, she took her God at His word, and didn't just believe, but confessed praise, and fulfillment of the promise before it had happened, and worked her stuff, by going in to Elkanah. So many times we sit on our lazy butts and say we're waiting on God when God is really waiting on us! One of my teachers said a lot "Work like it's all up to you; Pray like it's all up to God." And then after that patience is to come in. "Let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be complete, lacking nothing." After Hannah was pregnant, she still had to wait 9 months untill Samuel was manifested in front of her eyes. Did she doubt then? No! Why? Because you couldn't tell her she was not pregnant! She had it on the inside of her, she knew because of the evidence: stop of her cycle, maybe some hormones raging, a little bit of an expansion in her body. You couldn't tell her she wasn't pregnant! And never forget the hardest point of this time is labor... right before it is birthed. You're gonna have to push harder and go through the hardest time right before your Samuel is born. There's things on the inside of you that are about to come to pass, and don't you doubt it. There are some promises, some gifts, some dreams, that are about to come to pass on the inside of you, and you're getting a little tired during this incubation period, don't you give up! Keep going, keep believing, keep confessing the Word, and don't listen to the idle chatter of others around you. You listen to His word, and know that His word is the final authority.

Hope that blesses someone else besides me. :)

So, Krispy Kreme rawks the Casbah! I got to introduce a friend to them for the first time tonight... always fun. :) Boy, oh Boy are they good! Can't wait to have another in the morning! :)

I'm not the kind of person to change plans at the last minute (because I'm what "they" call a lil bit of a control freak), but I did, and ended up having a good time not doing much of anything with a friend. It's kinda kewl when you do something out of the ordinary, and you end up having a good time.

So since I have got back from school I have realized how much I've changed. So our house has always been loud, and fun, and goofy. I've always been fine w/ that 'cuz that's how I've always been. So, since I've been home I've had to cover my ears, leave the room, or leave the house to get away from all the noise. I don't know, it's weird. My family notices it too. I'm not mad at them at all, but they take it as if I'm annoyed with them. And I'm not overall, but sometimes I do get a lil annoyed. But I love them so much. I've missed them so much. Just last weekend, my cousin moved in, and she is intesely loud! And sometimes I just go "OMG, will you please stop!" And she's like "What?" It's just amazing how people don't know how loud they are... it's amazing how I didn't know how loud I was. I guess (now) I'm just content sitting on my bed reading, not doing anything else, not talking, and such. Yet at the same time, when I'm in my truck, I blare my music as loud as I can. I guess that's a form of my getting away. Right now I'm content with just being alone, not going out so much with friends (then again I don't have friends I want to hang out with around here), and I think that's ok. I mean there is still a huge part of me, that LOVES to go out, have a blast, be loud, adventurous, and have excitement. I ALWAYS will be like that.

Honestly, I think this is just a season of isolation for me. I mean I'm not going through everything alone, yet at the same time, I think I've gotta live my life as I'm now starting to live it depending on no one else except me, and God. I think that's how he wants it. Anwyayz. I think that's all I have to say. Oh, be praying for me concerning all this. I want to be able to get along with my family, have a good time, have fun with them, and compromise the way I want things, so that everything can be peaceable.

One of the funniest things I've seen in a long time: Star Wars Kid

You will need to download BitTorrent to view.

I got to catch up with an old best friend a few days ago. That was kewl. Her and I have known eachother from 6th grade to now. We were best friends from the start. We've been through everything together: Her Dad leaving, my Dad dying, me getting engaged (2wice), her "knowing" who the one was... crazy stuff, that never did turn out the way we thought they would. Anywayz. I was always the crazy, wild child, and she was the sweet, good girl. Then she moved, and I didnt hear from her for a long time, and just as more time would pass, I would hear about her doing things she said she would never do (not necessarily anything bad at all, just things that were like wow, her?), and so on and so on. After not hearing form her in God knows how long, my Mom told me she came by the house while I was away at school. She is now married and pregnant. Man, did that hurt. This was the girl that we planned our weddings together at 14 (now I realize how dumb and pathetic I was), we were gonna have one or 2 of our babies around the same time so they could be friends, and of course to one anothers children we were Aunt _____. It's just amazing how much things change.

Yet is amazing how some things never change. As soon as we saw eachother it was like nothing had changed. We goofed off and laughed like old times, I said "like" a lot due to my excitement, which she realized right away, and credited it to her habit of saying "like" now. LOL I was never mad at her about not telling me anything. I guess just hurt that I wasn't apart of any of the leadings up. It was weird going in her house to meet her husband, and not her boyfriend. He's a good guy. And I couldn't help but say every 15 minutes, "OMG You're gonna be a Mom". It's just so weird, and funny... yet at the same time it's really good. I think we're gonna stay in contact a lot more now, and be good friends again. I hope so; she used to be the best friend I ever had. I'm just glad that we're talking again.

Well, Here it is... my big update. I haven't wrote in this blog for about 10 months! And, a lot has happened since then. I would recommend sitting back, propping up your feet, and getting ready to be here for a while to read this, or just do it in sessions. :) Yep, it's that long. :) I'm gonna do it a month by month thing so as not to skip around, forget things or confuse. Enjoy!

June- As you know things with my Mom's b/f were not going well at all, and I was contemplating moving out to live w/ my dad/ youth pastor (Joe). Jason and I got into a big fight, but I controlled my anger and held the reigns on my tongue, and asked the Holy Spirit to guide me in what to say or not to say. I only brought forth the Word, and had peace, so I knew I did what was right. It was time for me to go. I also met Joel in June! Went to Atlanta Fest, camped on the grounds behind Six Flags over Georgia, went to concerts and rode roller coasters all day for 4 days! It was great hanging out with Joel, Jon and Steven. They're awesome and I can't wait to see them again!

July- I moved in with my dad and his family (wife Shannon, 3 young boys), and it was the best thing for me to do. I had a great time, learned a lot, and it kept me in a good environment spiritually ("The environment you create determines the product you produce." - John C. Maxwell). Mom and Jason took some of my words in that fight we had and ended up getting married, without telling me. But I figured it out before they did, and confronted my Mom as to why she hadn't told me. She said she eventually would have, but I thought it was a load of crap.

August- Everything was going pretty good. Directing the adult drama team and working with the youth group. Still living with Daddy, which was wonderful. My church paid for half of my tuition for the coming up school year at TBC, so that was a huge blessing. Still wasn't sure where the other half was coming from, but I knew God was able. Things started to get a little crazy towards the end of the month with some relationships, and things, and my reputation was at stake.

September- The beginning of this month started out with a lot of heartache, only for me to decide to move past it, and remember my priorities... LTC (Leadership Training Course (the 2nd year program at TBC)). I realized real quick how hard this year was going to be, how much I would be stretched, and just how much in me was going to have to come out. In my room I was given the privilege of being over 5 wonderful first year girls. All Mexican except for one, so that was a lot of fun. :) As a careleader I am responsible for the on-goings in my girls' lives, the room, and keeping myself fed to be the shepherd for them. Also I have a co-careleader (Rita). She ended up leaving the day before our girls came, and she was replaced with my old roommate Elizabeth. I love Elizabeth, but she's not emotionally stable, and sometimes a little slow, and stares a lot, so I kinda felt like I had to look after her too. 2 days after my girls got here I got a message saying Rita was coming back! I was so excited! I asked the LTC Director Phillip Baker if she could be with me again, and he said yes, so all 3 of us were careleaders over room N3. :)

October- Some "opportunities" (problems) came up in the room with my girls. They felt my standard of excellence in the room was too high, that I wasn't personal enough, and more focused on leading than relationship. I will admit I was more focused on them respecting me than liking me, and I wasn't telling them too much about me, and excellence is something I major on. I think the case really was that I needed to learn to love more. Rita (laid back, soft spoken, sweet, phlegmatic) is the perfect balance to me (stubborn, loud, in your face, choleric). She helped me learn to be compassionate, and it's ok to show mercy, as I have been shown a lot of mercy (To whom much is given, much is required). Thank God for her. My Mom and her husband Jason started having problems, and she called me at school crying a lot. I tried to help her, but there was no denying she had to lay in the bed she made. A plus though was she started going to church again. A great church! A negative though is she eventually went into hiding. My best bud from my first year at TBC Jason C. came to visit me for a few days before he went into the Army to do infantry. That was a lot of fun.

November- Mom decided to divorce Jason, got the locks changed on the house while he was away, and took his stuff to his parents house. I came home and had a great Thanksgiving with my family, and I was able to minister to my Aunt Carol; just planting seeds.

December- Mom talked to Jason's parole officer, and the police took a report on what happened in October (some abuse), and they decided that the next time he came in for a check-up with his parole officer that he would be taken in. I came home for Christmas vacation, and while I had a good time, I was going through a lot of spiritual struggles. I became very tired, very weary, and was wanting things in my life to just change somehow. I just wanted to graduate and move on with my life. On the good side, I had a good time with family, and friends. In fact, Jason C. came and visited me fresh from boot camp. We had a great time! He got me Spiderman, Monsters Inc., Shallow Hal, and a Giant Clifford the Big Red Dog stuffed animal. It was kewl! :)

January- Jason was arrested when he went to go see his parole officer, seeing as he lied and said everything was fine and he was still living with us and all. So that was hard on my Mom but it was the way it needed to be. I came back to school, and got very refreshed, focused, a new passion, and just excitement, when I really sought God, got in His presence and decided to put all my stupidity away. Our biggest event of the year came. Summit: 4 days of speakers, teaching, Praise and Worship, and a lot of hard work plus sleepless nights. It's incredible. I was about 2 days from being dismissed form school, because my tuition was nowhere in sight. However God knew where it was. He got it to me, and I was able to stay. When that was over I went to check my email, and I had an email from some friends of my Moms pastor (Pastor Don). They were Pastors of a new small church about an hour from my house. They said they had heard from Pastor Don about my vision for youth ministry, and were very interested in hearing more about it from me! So we scheduled a meeting later in February. I got to see snow for the first time!! On the LTC ski trip we went to Ruidoso, New Mexico on the Sierra Blanca. I didn't ski, just hiked, played in the snow, and had a good time with my friends.

February- I was blessed a lot financially by random people, and was able to bless others because of it, so that was kewl. Blessed to be a blessing according to Genesis 12:2. I met with the pastors of that church Pastor Glenn and Ms. Zina. They were very kewl. Young, and sweet. and ready to invest a lot into youth ministry. The kewlest was that they used to be the assistants to the Founder and to the President of TBC, so I knew they were good people. It concluded that they wanted me to join them. I was very excited to, but of course didn't need to make a decision right away seeing as their church was just starting out, and I wasn't graduating for another couple of months. Jason's court date was to happen soon, and then he would be sentenced to be in jail into late June. Daddy resigned form being youth pastor at TAG, because of a lot of complications, accusations, and some messed up things going on in the church. The next Sunday I asked for Pastors blessing to leave the church, which was good timing since things became very corrupted as my name was slandered by my pastor himself. A great thing that happened though is I became the armorbearer to a great lady! She travels a lot singing at conferences and conventions with people like Benny Hinn, Tim Storey, and other names I could say. She's best friends with Ron Kenoly and his family, so needless to say she's a busy lady. She had been praying for someone she could trust to come and help her, and knew I was the right person. A lot of people in the past have tried to come into her life to see if they could find dirt on her, and make it known, but she know I wouldn't do that, because I've known them for years, and have been great friends with one of her daughters.

March- My careleader from last year got married to a great man of God on the first of March, and I was privileged to be a part of the wedding party. I looked hot and had a great 4 days on the beautiful city of San Antonio. One weekend I came home to find pictures of Mom and Jason out. I became very angry needless to say, and confronted my Mom about it. After us both saying things we shouldn't have, it was concluded that they would be getting back together. He had been getting counseling from Pastor Don (very trustworthy, wise man), and had supposedly been changing. When I went back to school, I got before God asking Him to change my heart, because this was a reality that I was going to have to deal with and live with. Thankfully Ms. Rachel was teaching a class on forgiveness and anger at the time which helped a lot, and I did learn to forgive Jason. When I did so, God began to speak a lot about the Youth Pastor thing, my future, and just me and Him. Good stuff. Went to TAG (well it's no longer called TAG), and it was so dead, and empty. It was quite sad, but I pray only that it would succeed, and touch lives. I got pretty sick, and ended up going to the hospital. I had never been a patient in a hospital before so it was kinda scary. They had to put be on some smokey breathing machine, and an IV (freaky). I also had to say in bed for 4 days. YUK. I cheated a few times though and had my friend Lindsey sneak me off campus the first day because I was bored, The kewl thing was I got to spend TONS of time reading my Bible and praying.

April- I battled sickness all the way into the middle of April, but I feel great now. Easter break was a lot of fun. I got to hang out w/ my Mom and sisters a lot, and just have fun. I went and saw Jason in jail, and we talked got things sorted out, and resolved. I just pray that things stay right, and lined up w/ Gods will. More financial blessings and job opportunities came my way! Yay! The director of the 2nd year leadership course, Bro. Phillip, announced that he would be leaving TBC after 10 years of starting and running that program. We were all quite sad, but very excited to know that he would be traveling and preaching, doing what he loved to do. the kewl thing is he has been walking in the gift of healing lately, so it will be exciting to see what happens with that.

May- I finally graduated!! I was so blessed to be at TBC these last 2 years, but was VERY ready to go and do other new things. Things that God was wanting me to do. I do have to admit though I did cry. It was hard to know I would not being seeing my best friends everyday, and that Sweet 'n' Low (my bestest friend) would not be living down the hall from me anymore. ::sigh:: I preached at my Moms church the very first Sunday after graduation, so that was fun. And now, today May 13/14th, I'm on my way to getting settled and organized in the house, and getting a job. I am now 20 (since 1:09 am May 13th), and really don't feel any different. I guess just kewl I won't be referred to as a teenager anymore, though in some circles I still might be referred to as "the kid" from Bible college. Oh well.