Ok, so I don't have to go into the detail of how my home life has been lately, cuz if you are reading this, you most likely know already. There was a big blow up in the house last Friday night, and it was not pretty. After about 2 months of keeping my mouth shut, and 5 minutes of him yelling at me, I finally let it out. I didn't say anything I shouldn't have said, I only said what I needed to. Part of which was saying directly to Jason (Mom's b/f), that they were habitually, and diliberately living in sin. The discussion went on for quite a long time, and it ended with him telling me whatever, so I went to my room for the night, just crying out to God, and finally crying myself to sleep. The next morning I wake up to hear from my Mom that when her and Jason get into the room, he admits I am right. I of course never hear this from him, nor do I get an apology. So he goes on to treat me terrible, and only nice when it is convenient for him. And then Mom is completely rude to me, and starts bashing the things I'm doing for God. I know I want to work things out here at home, but I know I have to leave...

Today I am sitting on the couch and my sister asks me, "So are you gonna go to the reception?" "What reception?" "Mom and Jasons?" It hits me, they're getting married. So I go through the day with out saying a thing to my mom about it, and tonight I ask her, "So when were you gonna tell me?" "I was trying to find the right time." "Well you found the right time for the girls." So after talking for a bit I ask, "When?" "Tomorrow." TOMORROW!! When me and my sisters go to AstroWorld to ride rollercoasters and watch concerts, which has been planned for a VERY long time. If I would not have asked I would have not known 'til after they did it!! They haven't told any family or friends, either. This is NOT what God has for my Mom, and I know it. God has so much more for her. I am so heartbroken by it. I'm sitting here crying out to God, "No NO!" I hate that when I come home tomorrow night that they're going to be Married! That's it, done! I wonder what my Dad is thinking while he's sitting up there in Heaven... Is he as heartbroken as I am about this... knowing that the woman he loved, and asked to re-marry when he was gone is about to make a HUGE mistake?!? Why can't he come down and say, "Trudy, don't do this. I know I told you to re-marry, but come on! This guy? God has SO much more for you!"

If you guys only knew... I wish she would just live right, have her eyes open... this just isn't right. So tomorrow they go to the JP, and it's done. They're supposedly gonna have a lil reception sometime in the near future. I don't know if I'll go, I think I'll just cry the whole time. I hate I can't stop this. It's out of my control... I can't do a darn thing... I'm wanting to run into the kitchen and just grab all the alcohol I can get my hands on... I need a ciggarette... But then I wake up, and realize how stupid and pathetic that is... I think I'll just cry in the arms of my Heavenly Father for awhile... there isn't anything like that. He's got me...

"When I close my eyes I know to whom I belong, who makes me strong." - Cindy Morgan "I Will Be Free"