Ok, I guess it's time for me to go ahead and explain what's going on. As most of yall know I have been doing a lot of nothing lately, seeing how I quit my job, and Im out of school, and have no car. I've also had a lot of problems w/ my Mom lately. Well, I decided I would have my GED taken care of by the time TMC (TAG's (a city wide youth group) leadership/Bible/servanthood class) started up again. Well, that is tomorrow night. Orientation was last Wednesday night. Basically my life was/is no where near organized, and prioritized the way it should be. I decided that I have taken too long to get these things taken care of, and have not shown a true example of a real leader. I was so excited about this next year of TMC, and as I was about the last year. 12 of us graduated from the first ever TMC class. Quite an honor for me, and such an amazing thing it was in my life.

After orientation, the Lord was dealing with me, and basically letting me know I wasnt gonna be doing it this year. I was trying to blow it off, and take it as just a figment of my imagination. Well, I finally realized, I would never think to do anything like this, so I knew it was God, and I knew he was right. So I went and had lunch w/ Joe (Youth Pastor of Tag/President of TMC/Daddy), and Sean (Dean of TMC/former employer/awesome guy) the next day (Thursday). We went and discussed some things, and they thought that I was making a wise decision, even though they were quite sorry that it had to be made. Basically, Im the only singer on the P&W band, besides Joe, and Leigh who does a little backup, head of Drama, Dance, on the A/V team, and Sean depended on me for a lot of errand running, taking care of one on one ministry to a lot of girls, and anything. So with much sorrow, and regret, I quit TMC, and stepped down from my leadership responsibilities. I didn't even tell my best friends until Friday night. I didn't talk to anyone for a day or 2 really, and went to Joes house.

Sunday night TAG came, and I walked in to hear the P&W band practicing, and trying to figure out 2 songs that I would regularly lead. Needless to say, very hard to listen to, so I went to the bathroom, cried, and contemplated leaving, thinking I couldn't deal w/ it. Due to some encouragement, and hugs from some very dear friends, I stayed, and made it through, with a few tears throughout the night. When P&W started up I just decided I was gonna worship God, and not worry about my circumstances, which I have also decided to do throughout life anyway. It was hard not having any set responsibilities for the night, not having to write, direct, or cast the drama for the night, not having to do any A/V, file music, or anything. Just so I still feel like Im helping out, I still do some cleaning afterwards, and I still ask Sean and Joe, is there anything you need me to do. I can't stand not helping out, or feeling not useful. Its hard, very hard, and it hurts like hell. Something that really hurt was I had been buggin Joe for about a year to see if Curry (our pastor) would let the TAG band do worship, and Joe always said Curry would never let us. Well, all of a sudden, out of the blue in church that morning, Curry goes, "Joe get ready. In 4-5 weeks TAGs gonna do P&W." I honestly felt like a knife went into my chest, and dinosaurs were running through my stomach. I thought I was gonna cry so hard, even though I felt I had cried all I could that whole weekend. Just when I was gonna get angry, and resentful, God said, "Watch it. Don't get angry. You be happy for the band." And I've decided to do so. I'm sure it will hurt the day it happens, but I will not get angry.

Basically, I've gotta get a job, get my GED taken care of, money in the bank, and under control, a car, and just life prioritized b4 I can go back. Sean and Joe are hoping at the most a few months, as so am I. So this week I am gonna be looking for a job, finding out about the GED test, and I've already done a lot of organizing, and finished that up pretty much. Pray that I have a job by this coming up Monday. But on a good note, in a few months Sean is gonna need a full time secretary, w/ a car, and guess who he's offering the job to first!? :) Yay! Just be praying that I will make it through this w/ minimal crying, and w/ dignity, and that I will get prioritized quickly. I trust God with all my heart, and know he is taking care of me. Yes this hurts, but God knows what he is doing. he always does and he hasn't forgotten about me, and what's important to me. He never will.