Ok, well I was pretty much fine since Sunday, and I'm trusting God through this whole matter, and all, but then Wednesday night comes. That's when the TMC class is, and afterwards a prayer meeting. Mom had to go to work early, and so I had to go up to the TAG center w/ Taylor (my younger sis who is doing the TMC), and I was just gonna put my stuff down, and go to the restaurant right across the way and read my Bible. I walk in, and Sean looks at me and goes what are you doing here? I was like uh, Mom had to drop me off early, and he goes well you cant be here, so I said well, that's why Im going to Chichos. So I went, and that kinda irked me but I got over it, so I come in later to find out that they have another girl singing now, which kinda made me mad after Joe went into how he wasn't gonna have a girl to sing and all. So that just got to me, and I started crying yet AGAIN. During the prayer meeting I was in the back of the cafe, telling God through the tears that were streaming down my face that I trusted him, but it hurt so bad. I didn't say anything to Joe, cuz I was just to hurt to do so. And when the prayer meeting was fixin to be over, Sonny comes over to me and says Sean wants you, then Sean says Joe wants you. So I had to walk form the back of the room, to the middle of it and Joe gestures me over to him, and says in the mic, I need some girls to come over here and pray for Jess. She's had to make some hard decisions in her life, and take a hard road that most of us should take. She is gonna need a lot of strength through this, and encouragement, so yall come pray for her. I was like Oh No, Im gonna cry. That's why I was in the back, so I could cry on my own. So anywayz, after that was over, I stayed at the TAG building w/ Joe, and my sis, cuz he was takin us home, and I was talkin to him, and said well I guess you found your singer. And we talked for a sec, and I said, JOE! She's gonna be singing MY songs! The songs that I lead! And he was like theyre not your songs. Of course I said Yes They Are! So after a lil bit of arguing, which him and I do quite often, I said fine, but she can't sing You Are My King. And he says She can sing whatever she wants. Well cue the girl... right then she starts singing on the mic Hungry: One of MY songs. He looks at me teasingly, and goes Ooooooh. I walked out the office, and went outside to cry, AGAIN. I came back in, and calmed down, and talked to Sean for a lil while, he is really wanting me to get all this stuff done soon. It's only been a week, and he's nervous. :)

I'm scared. I'm scared I'm gonna come back, I'm gonna have to sing, and not sing my songs. I'm scared theyre gonna be "her" songs by then. And she'll be some outstanding singer, way better than I could ever be, and there will be just no use in me being there. She's like 14, and so I feel ridiculous for feeling this way. But this is HARD. The band has been a dream come true for me. A dream Ive had since I was a little girl. And its' been snatched from me. And well, by me. I'm trying really hard, and Im not as upset as I was yesterday, but man this SUX! I love singing more than anything almost. And I'm not doing it. This sux really bad. I hate crying like this, and feeling this way. It's like I completely trust God, and I'm still joyful in life, but this sux. To whoever is reading this, your prayers would mean a lot.